I have officially lost my mind.

I have just signed up for a color run in October and a Dirty Girl run in April. who is this and what has she done with the old me? life is good.

sorry I have been away.

sorry I have been away but life has been crazy. My dad went in for a heart cath that turned into a triple bypass. needless to say hectic and plenty of motivation to stay on my current way of life. I am finally in ONEderland. and loving life. here is an updated picture of my progress.

last A1c was 5.5. my dr. is very happy and so am I.

been away a while

Life has been CRAZY. My dad went in for what was to be a heart cath. It ended up being a triple bypass. praise God he is doing well but now aware his life must change. So now my journey has new members. all the times I asked people to join me, no one wanted to, now they have no choice they are coming to me and I welcome them. I have been fearful of him getting bored with good food and not adjusting but so far he is loveing what I make. tonight was stuffed eggplant and he really talked about how good it was. so proud of him.

on my side I am finally a resident of ONEderland! down. 12.5 inches and continue to love my new way of life. feeling better and healthier every day. from leaving GA lsat year I am down 50 lbs. still have a long way to go to my goal, but I know I will get there. still plan on trying to post some recipes. thanks to any of you who are still hanging with me. Clean eating is the only way to do this. kick out the chemicals and man made food. regain your life. It is worth it. you are worth it.

body benig weird

totally freaked out by my body today. yesterday things went wacko. blood sugar over 100 all day. gained 4 lbs of water weight and feet and ankles swell up like balloons. I have no idea why or what happened. downloaded a new app for phone today to help monitor blood sugar, going to gym this morning and try to sweaty it off. If things stay weird by tonight going to Dr. in morning.       

these are the moments it could be easy to say WTH and go back to my old ways, but no way. I am showing my body I am in charge. hoping to get more recipes up this week for my Gumbo and my turkey chili. maybe even chicken and spinach enchilada bake.

tonights dinner Chicken meatballs

my kids were begging for spaghetti and meatballs, I want to give them the food they like and be able to eat also so a little revamp and we all got what we wanted.

16 oz ground chicken
1 link of jenne o sweet Italian turkey sausage, casing removed
1/4 cup parm cheese
2 tbs garlic minced
2 tbs oregano
2 tbs basil
1 tbs rosemary
1tbs thyme
1 egg beaten

mix all ingredients together and form into balls. I got 24 out of mine.
bake on cookie sheet in 375 degree oven for 30 minutes then add to your favorite red sauce.

nutrition servings 6
calories 198
carbs 0
protein 22g
fat 12g

My picky eaters could not tell it wasn't my old beef and pork meatballs so I guess I did good.

Recipes coming soon.

OK, I will start adding recipes and pictures of them that I am now eating as I come up with my healthier meals and menus. Thanks Kelly for the idea.

Heaven welcomes a new angel

My heart is heavy tonight to learn of the loss of a great lady and dear friend. never have a know a kinder or sweeter spirit then hers. It is also a reminder to continue on my path. This friend had Gastric Bypass 15 yrs ago and I believe her death was directly caused by this. I love you Myrna and will see you one day on the other side.

Finally Joined a gym

well I did it. I realized that trying to do nothing but hiking wasn't going to get me to my goals and to be honest I needed to make some friends and I am hoping to do that there. it was really great. the trainer is awesome. The hardest thing was the weigh in. I stuck to my "No scale" challenge so they hid it from me LOL. she did tell me I am very close to my first goal. family still  not on board with my eating style, but oh well this is it like it or go hungry. it might seem selfish, but for a while it is going to be all about me.

battle scale is tough

so hard right now to stay off the scale. after spending last weekend in the mountains and logging over 20 miles of hiking I came home and tried on some clothes that were too small a few months ago and now they are loose. so I continue to battle the urge to check the scale.

Don't tell me I can't do something!

Well for those people who told me I couldn't, may I now present....
Abrams Falls

Yes I did it! and the biggest problem I had was keeping my shorts from falling down, because they are now too big. WooHoo.

Don't ask

From the beginning of this journey the only people I was going to control their diet other then myself has been my kids to the degree I can. I made it clear I wasn't out to convert any ones way of life other then my own. Well don't call me from the beach crying and ask for my help then decide you don't want to do it when you get back to the land of clothes. I don't have the time for it.

No scale Challenge

This month I am going to do a no scale challenge, I am going to challenge myself to stay off of the scale for the month of April. I went to the DR. today and got my weight and labs so from this point out sticking to the plan and MFP and watching blood sugars and blood pressure  and no scale. I hope I can do it, I do become scale obsessed and that isn't good. wish me luck.

Grotto falls accomplished!

So proud of myself. I finished Grotto falls today. It was more of a challenge then Laurel falls but so worth it. Next on the list Abram Falls which is only supposed to be a little more challenging then Grotto. I am up for it.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

shopping

went out of town last night to shop for shoes and while there took advantage to go into EarthFare grocery shopping. hard to find any organics here in this small town. was a little surprised which makes me naive that there was still tons of junk food in there. they market it under organic but yes it is organic junk food. teaching my girls to be label readers and understand what the label says is very important to me and this was a great lesson. Well as I feared hike postponed do to weather but on happy note, with it being so, my husband might get to come tomorrow. I pray so, miss his company and would love to spend some time with him.

Rained out

Looks like tomorrows trip to Grotto falls is going to be rained out. I am really upset. going to try and replan for Sunday. Can't let this get me down or set me back. Wonder what I can do tomorrow instead for a work out. guess I will have to give that one some thought. To show I still have my since of humour here is the song for it.

Keeping on

another day and I am keeping on. had some big motivation last night thanks to another blogger I watched a new film on line Hungry for Change It was very good and one of those things that tells you what you really already know but in a way that makes you really see it. Highly recommend watching it to anyone who wants to be healthier. It is free online till March 31st.

For me

I did 7 miles today on bike, it was hard but I did it and every mile and every minute was for me. not for anyone else. This is all up to me, whether I succeed or fail comes down to me, no one to blame or praise. hard work , faith, and deidication all in me.
so today, though I am not a huge Mariah Carey fan, this is the song for the day.

No longer the bad guy.

AS if sent by an angel, yesterday at Zumba class they had a guest speaker. A nutritionist came in and presented facts on what an actual serving size was of common foods. My daughters were amazed. so I did know what I was talking about after all. It really helped their attitude. Called today to get Dr. appointment BP is getting very low, need some med adjustments.

new trip planned

well today was one of those days where people try to step on your dreams. A family member is trying to discourage me from trying Abram Falls. it is hard to just ignore so I have decided to add another hike this weekend to prepare. so in that Saturday will be

Grotto Falls

This hike is more difficult then the one I did this past Sunday, but not as difficult as Abram Falls. I think it will be a good way to judge.
I have to believe in myself because it is obvious there are those who don't believe in me.

who needs numbers on a scale.

Well another morning of motivation. My fasting blood sugar was 89. this is amazing to me. I have set my next goal and hope to accomplish it  during spring break.

Abrams Falls

bad example

This morning started off with a bang. My 10 y/r old wanted to take banana chips to school for a snack. I said no problem, let me get you some and put a serving into a small bag. well she didn't want to wait and did this herself. I saw on the counter a half emptied bag of banana chips and stopped her. I had her read the back and tell me how many servings were in the bag. answer 20. so I told her you have 10 servings there, we need to put some back. by the time we had 1 serving she was crying and said it wasn't enough and not worth it. oh how those words hurt me. I haven't been a good example to my daughters on portion control. from this point forward I will be. I don't want my girls to struggle like I have. going to take all snack foods and when they come from store, pre- portion them. seeing what a true portion is must be one of the biggest steps in this lifestyle. it has to stop the cycle of over eating. here is a link I am going to try and use and help teach them.

http://www.webmd.com/diet/control-portion-size

98 is a beautiful number

I have struggled over the last 7 years not being able to get my diabetes under control. My A1c has been very high. This morning I took my Blood sugar and to my amazement and joy it was 98. The first time in many years I have seen a number within normal range. that is more then enough motivation to keep going. Who needs the scale to move when you have numbers like that.

1st goal accomplished

When we made the decision to  move here I realized I was to unhealthy to really enjoy everything it had to offer. this made me very sad. I set a goal a year ago in April I would be able to hike Laurel Falls trail by this spring. Well drum roll please. here we are in Spring and I did it! This was  giant step for me. Far from a hard hike but reaching this goal shows me I am on the right path and I can and will succeed. I have a long way to go, but sometimes starting the journey is the hardest step.

full vs not hungry

Lesson for the week is to learn how to eat and when to stop eating. the goal is to eat till not hungry and not eat to full. I need to learn and understand that the feeling of full is not satisfaction, but the bodies way of saying you have over done it. there is a reason being full is uncomfortable and slows you down. My daughter is also having to learn this lesson. I didnt' realize I needed to till I had a conversation with her at the table about it. so for this week. that is the lesson. to quote Mary Poppins... " enough is as good as a feast"

and the beat goes on.

taking my songs from here and some more to make my play list for my walking and working out. If anyone has a good song to add feel free to leave a comment. always looking for inspiration. this in my new fav and number one and the mix.

Holding on

not much I can do but feel like I am just holding on, most people here on not happy about my new lifestyle. not sure if they think it will fade in time or what. I may have to do this by myself, but that is fine. thinking of checking out the local Gym Monday and see what it is like, I would like a workout buddy, but it may end up just me and my MP3. If I do it alone, at least I can't blame anyone else for my success or failure. Win or lose it is all me.

No more Diets

I am trying to explain to people my parents included this is not a diet. this is a lifestyle, the changes I am making are for the rest of my life. I do not want anymore chemical ridden manufactured foods. I want to eat things I can pronounce and that come from nature not a lab. I do not plan to deny myself treats, but those will be homemade and real ingrediants also. given the choices I choose real.

for better or worse

well boys and girls we have reached the lovely point of a lifestyle makeover where metabolism is going so fast you feel like you could eat an elephant and if the elephant knows what is good for it , it will stay out of site, plan to eat several small meals during the day with all lean protiens and veggies to f ight the urges to "fill up".

what a great week.

spent the week with a f riend and had a great week. walked 5 to 6 miles a day and I feel great. back in TN and keeping up the walking. I walked today and plan to do so every morning after I drop off the kids. feeling stronger and trying not to let others get me down.

truth

this sums it up.

Vanity be thy name.

OK, have to be honest, I can say this is all about health till the cows come home, but in truth the idea of looking good help. In the spirit of honesty for my blog I am putting the picture of my goal dress here on the blog.

Back of the room kind'a gal

warning, some of the content may been seen as TMI:
Well today was the 2nd Zumba class. I think I need an award for going. PMS, cramps, IBS, rainstorms, sleet and snow tried to keep me away. I do go. Yay me. Different instructor this time, don't care for her as much. I think if I were more advance she would be ok, but as a newbie, I prefer Gabby. came home to my slimmed down version of lasagna soup in the crock pot. really wishing this house business was over and done, as strange as it seems, think I need my freedom to explore my new lifestyle a little in private and there is no such thing here and now. hard to keep from going back to the old food as a weapon and emotional control tool that the 17 yr old me did while living with the same woman I did then. pushing through and keeping going. not doing great in hydration today and really didn't have a good food day either. not bad, but not good. need better stocked fridge and pantry for better choices, but it isn't my fridge or pantry and people get upset here if things get to full of stuff so I try not to buy to much ahead more then a day or two. mental changes are the most important right now. keeping it up and trying to keep my motivation. i have always been a back of the room kind of gal, always more comfortable with me looking at others and not the other way around but this time, I was in a room full of more stubborn then me back of the room gals. I ended up first row at Zumba. started out feeling a little uncomfortable, then the perfect song came on and I embrassed it. Thanks Katy Perry for giving me this song today to get through my plastic bag moment.

Hunger

paid close attention to my bodies clues today and used these guidelines. I realized my body does give me the right cues I just ignore them often. finding I do better on small meals every few hours rather then 3 large ones.
Had an emotional moment that sparked many old feelings. I am glad it happened. I was able to look at all of them and use it as a training tool. I don't want to spend my life with food as a weapon or my enemy.
I am finding right now I am craving green veggies, the darker the better. I am sure this is due to something my body needs. think I will go shopping in the morning for some Kale and other leafy greens.
still struggling with hydration today but it is better.
It might be crazy but I think this blog may be really helping me discover me and much cheaper then therapy.

New theme song, or fake it till you make it.

Not here yet, but I will be.

The morning after.

Feeling better then I thought I would, I was sore last night but not this morning. Did some thinking last night. I am not sure if it is completely the case, but food may be my addiction. I have used food as a tool or weapon for control or comfort as far back as I can remember or at least back to 8 yrs old. From anorexia/bulimia at 17 to where we are now with eating for comfort and company. I have come to the conclusion I need to reform my relationship with food. I do not want to make it my enemy, lets face it, I like it. Many of the events in our culture center around food and eating together with friends and family. when you look around and see the number of people who can do this but also maintain a healthy lifestyle it must be possible. So do I try to pretend I will never eat another piece of fudge knowing this will fail, or do I adopt the idea, eat the fudge for the occasion but be willing to do the cardio to even it out. I have always gone at this the wrong way. I do not need a diet, I need a lifestyle change. I need to retrain my brain on how to live. Starving myself down to low calories will only make the body shut down, you must fuel to work and you must work to lose. strange concept for someone like myself to take in, but I am going to start working on it now. going to get a clear pitcher from the store and fill it each day with my daily water and set my phone for hydration alarm reminders. hope these help with the hydration.

Do or do not

Well to quote Yoda "there is no try, there is do or do not" I did. not saying it was easy or even that I liked it. but at some point I think an old me recognized it and tried telling me we used to like this. The instructor is great and doesn't make you feel bad if you can't keep up, just asks you keep moving. well I guess I get points for going and getting through it and getting off the couch. tomorrow is Yoga in the morning.

first downfall

noticing the last 3 days, the biggest downfall is hydration. need to come up with a plan to get my water intake up. will work on that system this evening.

every journey begins with a single step

Well here I am. so many emotions. the last 6 months have been nothing but change, new state, new town, no home and retirement for Larry and new job. in all this I felt my job was to keep some kind of order to our life. The kids are doing well. I am now at the point I can look at myself. I am 41 yrs old with high blood pressure, diabetes and obesity. my grandmother will all the same things died at 44. many things I am putting here are the first time they have openly been admitted even to myself. but the time is now. This is not a journey to a bikini for the beach, or a skinny dress. This is a journey to be alive to see my children grow up. The same kids I  fought many long years to have. I sit here today, nervous, excited, anxious and afraid I can't do it. I have my first Zumba class today and the hardest part is just showing up. I am going to try and keep this blog before and after each class and every day to track my emotions and hold myself accountable. Not sure yet If I will share this. If I do, it will be with a select few for support. went to Dr. yesterday, so I have an accurate weight and should have lab results soon. here are my goals for a healthier me. more energy. be able to hike and play with my girls. I want to be able to hike with a dear friend of mine, not knowing how long she will be able to continue on this activity that she loves I want to be able to join in it with her. She has been an inspiration to me in the last year. I want to come off of a good deal of my meds and live a more homeopathic lifestyle. I am by no means the Birkenstock granola type, but I do think there is something to the "natural is better" way of life. I want to be a better Friend and partner to my husband. right now physical goal is to lose 80 pounds and by spring hike Laural falls. lets see if I can finally succeed.